First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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