its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
