Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
