matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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