He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
