youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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