It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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