1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Randomize
