East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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