Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
