i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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