Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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