OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
