I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
