I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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