I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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