I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
