Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
