Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
