What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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