You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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