I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
