DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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