remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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