good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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