just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
NoShamevember. You game?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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