this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Randomize
