And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
