I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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