I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
