I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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