Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
