I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
