The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
