There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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