Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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