I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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