Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
