May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
