He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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