wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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