At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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