We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
