I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
