I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
