saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
