i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
