I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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