im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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