I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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