how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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