walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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